You get the birthday party invite and instead of thinking “omg, how fun!”… you immediately start to go through the list. You start mentally prepping for everything: the overstimulation, the potential meltdown, the awkward glances from other parents, your kid begging to leave the second you walk in.

If you’ve been there, you are so not alone.

For kids with sensory differences, birthday parties can be a total nightmare. And for parents—it can feel straight-up exhausting and honestly kind of heartbreaking.

So let’s talk about it. Why these parties can be so hard for our kids (even if they want to go), what might actually be going on underneath the surface, and some real-life ways to make it easier.

In this blog:

• Why parties are so overwhelming

• Sensory overload doesn't always look like you think

• Mama I know you're struggling too

•  Tips to Help: Before, during, and after the party
   

Just so you know, this blog is based on my and my guests’ personal experiences, and research I’ve done as a pediatric occupational therapist. None of the below is medical, occupational therapy, or feeding therapy advice. When you buy through links on this page, we may earn a commission. Learn more about affiliate links.

Why Parties Are So Overwhelming

Let’s be real—birthday parties are chaotic. There’s music, bright colors, kids yelling, cake being passed around, maybe a bounce house or a magician… and it all seems fun on the surface.

But to a child with sensory challenges? It’s a recipe for overload.

• The noise (singing, clapping, shrieking kids, balloon pops) can literally feel painful to their brain and ears.

• The environment is usually brand-new and full of unknowns, which already puts their brain on edge.

• The amount of social pressure—group games, saying hi, trying to act a certain way—can be a whole other stressor.

And all of that combined? Yeah… no wonder they shut down or lose it halfway through the party.

It Doesn’t Always Look Like You Think

Sensory overload doesn’t always look like hiding under the table (although it can). Sometimes it’s the exact opposite—your kid might get super hyper, start bouncing off the walls, or get too rough with others. It all depends on how their nervous system is wired.

Here's what it might look like:

The truth is, their body is trying to cope. It just doesn’t always look “appropriate”—and that’s okay. They’re not trying to be rude or wild… they’re trying to survive a sensory storm.

But Mama, I Know You're Struggling Too

I know as you sit there at the party, you're spiraling thinking about what everyone thinks about you, and what you're thinking about yourself (I've been there)

You may be:

• Feeling embarrassed when they scream during the birthday song

• Wishing the other parents understood what you were going through

• Frustrated because you knew this might happen, prepped so hard, and it didn't work

• Sad, because your child wanted to have fun… and it just didn’t go the way you hoped
  
  

All of that is real. All of that makes sense. And none of it means you’re failing. You’re doing your best to support a child who experiences the world in a really different way—and that’s no small thing. We just need to figure out what works for their personal body.

Tips to Help: Before, During, & After the Party

Okay, so how can we make these situations easier?

Before the Party

• Talk about what to expect: Go through every step of the party, using picture of the venue if you can. Also talk about how they can expect to make it easier for themselves - what support will they have? Knowing exactly what's going to happen can ease their anxiety.

• Pack a emergency sensory kit: What helps your child stay regulated? (I once had a mom carry play-doh in her bag and it was life-changing for them). Other examples: headphones, fidgets, snacks, gum, sunglasses—whatever helps them stay calm and grounded.

• Get the inside scoop: Ask the host what the plan is. Knowing what's happening (bounce house or pool?) can help you prep.

• Let them help: Giving your child a small job—like handing over the gift—can give them a sense of control.

• Plan your exit strategy.: Let your child know it’s okay to leave early if they need to. Take the pressure off both of you. I'd always rather a child stay for less time and leave having a positive experience.
  
  

During the Party

• Arrive early (or fashionably late): Early can be quieter. Late might let you skip the most intense parts. Go with what works best.

• Take break:  A quiet moment in the car or a walk outside can help reset their sensory thermometer.

• Watch their cues: It's extremely important to recognize your child's triggers and signs they are out-of-sync. Some kids get hyper, others get clingy or spaced out—those are signs they need support.

• Use your tools: Don’t wait for a meltdown to pull out the headphones or fidget. Be proactive, and offer the support when you first seem them getting dysregulated.

• Stay calm. I know—easier said than done. But your energy is contagious, and they depend on you to co-regulate.
  
  

After the Party

• Debrief: You can do this alone, or with your child. Think about what was successful, and what could be better next time.

• Give them space: Think about how exhausted you feel after events, even if it went super well. Your child may need some time to decompress and reset their body.

• Celebrate the wins. Staying for 20 minutes? HUGE. Saying hi to one friend? AMAZING. Don't forget to celebrate the small wins - these add up to big wins.

   

If birthday parties feel more like a battle than a celebration, please know this: you're not doing anything wrong—and neither is your child.

Sensory needs aren’t something to “fix.” They’re something to understand. And once you do, everything starts to make a little more sense. You can start showing up to these events with less pressure, more confidence, and a whole lot more compassion—for both of you.

Every small step your child takes is a win. Every time you advocate, prepare, or just decide to leave early, you’re meeting your child exactly where they need you.

And that’s worth celebrating, party or not. 🎉

If you’re ready to better understand your child’s sensory needs and learn what their behavior is really telling you, you’ll love my course Sensory Made Simple. It’s full of tools, real-life examples, and down-to-earth support to help you feel more confident in navigating everyday challenges—like birthday parties, school transitions, and everything in between.

👉👉👉 Join the waitlist here—I’d love to have you inside!

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