THE SENSORY MADE SIMPLE PODCAST

Transcript

Welcome to Sensory Made Simple, a podcast dedicated to helping moms figure out how to understand your child's sensory needs and how to support them, whether it's tackling meltdowns, eating new foods, or just getting through the day without feeling completely drained.

Hi, I'm Dr.

Sam, a pediatric occupational therapist and busy boy mom.

And each week, I'll share simple, realistic tips that fit into your busy life.

Because believe me, I get it.

Adding one more thing to your plate feels overwhelming enough.

No complicated terms, just easy to follow strategies to help your child feel calm, confident and understood.

So grab your coffee, chances are I've got mine too.

Pop in your earbuds and let's figure this out together.

A little note before we begin, please be advised that this information in this podcast is not medical or occupational therapy advice and is just for general and informational knowledge.

Okay, let's get to the show.

Tell me if this sounds familiar.

Your kid is hitting, biting, screaming, or flat out refusing to do the simplest thing.

And you have absolutely no idea why, even though you spent hours googling it.

You've tried reasoning with them, you've tried punishing them, maybe even reward charts, but nothing seems to work.

And honestly, you're just totally exhausted of all of it.

Everyone around you keeps saying it's bad behavior, you just have to tough it out, don't give in, or that they're testing you.

But deep down, you're wondering if it's something more than that, something different, there's a different answer.

What if I told you there might be?

What if I told you that their body is actually trying to tell you something?

They just don't have the words for it yet.

What if it's a message about how their sensory system is reacting?

Today, we're going to break down the sensory side of behavior, and what is really going on when your child is acting out due to sensory processing, and how you can finally start responding in a way that actually helps.

Before we dive in, I really want to tackle that really big question, but Sam, how do I know if this is sensory versus just behavior?

And I'm going to be really honest with you, I don't like that question.

I think that sensory and behavior are completely intertwined.

If you are here today, it is because you probably think or you probably already know that your child is having some challenges when it comes to sensory processing.

And at its core, the basic definition of sensory processing is related to behavior.

So when we talk about sensory processing, it's how our brain interprets and responds to sensations.

So response is a behavior.

So behavior is totally intertwined in a sensory processing.

I think, more realistically, what people are asking when they say, Sam, is it sensory behavior?

Is this due to a sensory trigger?

Or is it something else?

Is it my child just trying to be difficult?

And I truly, at my core, don't believe that a child is ever trying to be difficult.

I think they are almost always trying to communicate to us that something doesn't feel right, something doesn't feel good, something's making them feel uncomfortable.

Even in something like pathological demand avoidance, I know this is going to be a question, which is why I'm addressing it, which is called PDA.

If you don't know what that is, go listen to this episode that we have with Dr.

Taylor Day, where she explains all of it.

I'll link that in the show notes for you.

But even those kids with pathological demand avoidance, they are known to feel uncomfortable when demands are placed on them.

So what are they doing with their quote unquote behaviors?

They are communicating to us, that they feel uncomfortable because a demand was placed on them.

It's not them trying to be difficult.

They are having a hard time with something, and the behaviors, they're hitting, they're throwing.

That is how they are showing us that they are uncomfortable.

Okay, let's talk a little bit more about that behavior and communication.

So when a child is quote unquote acting out, again, this is not, I don't really love those terms, especially when we're talking about sensory, but I think those are the terms that most parents are using when they are trying to explain what is happening.

So when they're hitting, when they're throwing, when they're biting, spitting, they really are not just trying to make our life higher, even though it really can feel personal at some times.

The behavior that we're seeing is very often the body's way of trying to manage sensory input that doesn't feel right.

Again, when this is happening from a sensory standpoint.

So I want you to think about a time when you felt overstimulated.

Maybe the house was really loud, the lights were too bright, or you're just done for the day.

Honestly, I'm gonna give you an example because this happened to me tonight.

We were rushing to get dinner on the table.

My dog was in the middle of the kitchen running around me.

My baby was screaming because he was hungry.

My husband was trying to talk to me, and then I tripped over the dog, and that was just my pop.

I felt really bad that I had tripped over him because he yelped.

And I just got really upset.

But as an adult, I think I sighed, I kind of got a little snappy with my husband, kind of rubbed my head.

But overall, I was able to manage my emotions and my reactions of my response and my behaviors.

But kids, they have not developed the ability or the coping skills to do that yet, to realize that this is even happening, or to ask what they need.

So I was able to say, I need a minute, I'm getting overwhelmed.

A child, most often, they don't even realize that they need to.

Instead, their body reacts in very quick, big, physical ways, like hitting, yelling, running away, melting down, or completely shutting down.

We see this a lot with younger kids and hitting.

So somebody comes over and they take their toy.

And what do they do?

They hit them because that's how they know how to communicate what's going on.

Or because they get upset and they don't know what to do.

It is not about them being difficult.

It's their body's way of saying, I need something to feel better.

And what looks like a really, quote unquote again, bad behavior is just their body's way of trying to make them feel right again, to get back to that just right temperature when we talk about our sensory thermometer.

So let's talk a little bit about what these behaviors might look like when they are caused by a sensory trigger.

And I know another question out here is, well, we kind of talked about the sensory versus behavior and the sensory is a form of communication, but how do I know if it is sensory related?

How do I know if it's sensory or if it's something else?

Because there could be, of course, a ton of other reasons that these things are happening.

But how do I know if it's sensory?

We want to look for those triggers.

We want to look at the sensory system.

Again, we need, need, need, need to get to know your child's sensory system, what makes them tick, what is hard, what their preferences are.

So we really want to look for, is there a common trigger that we see?

Is there common trends in the way that their body is processing sensations that make it difficult?

So let me give you a little example here.

I had somebody come to me recently and tell me that their child was spitting.

And it was silly spitting, right?

They would spit, but it was something that they found inappropriate and obviously he was spitting on friends and spitting on family, and it wasn't something that was okay with the family.

And so the question was, is this sensory related, right?

And so here's kind of the questions that I asked.

When is it happening?

What time of the day?

What's happening before and after?

And what is their overall body temperature on the sensory thermometer?

And what we began to realize is that when this thing was happening, it wasn't just spitting, right?

They were able to look and see that at this time, he was super dysregulated.

He was running around, he was spinning, he was getting really giggly, and he was unregulated at those moments.

And so here we're realizing that that spinning is actually a message to us.

Hey, I am I am dysregulated.

I need some help calming down.

So yes, of course, we could work on what can we do instead of spitting when we get dysregulated.

But at its core, the first thing we need to do is figure out, okay, if they are dysregulated, how do we help them get back to just right?

How do we get them feeling back to just right?

And is there something we could notice before the spitting that they are telling us, hey, I need some help?

Okay, let's talk about a little or a couple of other behaviors that might look something like that.

And what's really interesting about these behaviors is that they really are hidden messages about what's going on inside the sensory system.

So not just that there is a behavior going on, that there is something going on, but the certain thing that's going on is telling us something about the sensory system, and it might be giving us a clue as to where they need help.

So here's some examples.

Hitting and biting.

These are big ones.

These are ones that I see all the time, and one the parents get very self-conscious about, because of course we don't want our kids to hit and bite.

Other people want them to be able to play and have fun with their friends.

But hitting and biting are both forms of what we call proprioceptive input.

We're talking about proprioceptive input.

We're really talking about deep pressure to the muscles and to the joints.

And deep pressure is extremely calming to the body, especially when it is overstimulated.

So a hug, right?

When we get overstimulated, we're like, hey, I just need a hug.

That is deep pressure.

Chewing gum, sucking on a lollipop, that is deep pressure and they help calm our body.

Another example is we often see people punch a wall when they're upset.

While it's not appropriate, it did feel good in the moment when they did it.

That is because it's deep pressure and it probably feels the same to kids with hitting and biting.

Number two, yelling, screaming and making loud noises.

Yelling or screaming is often a child's way of coping with sensory overload.

The fight or flight response has become activated, mostly the fight, and they likely feel a need to protect themselves and they're raising their voice to do so.

Yelling, this is also really interesting, stimulates a nerve in the body.

It's called the vagus nerve that is responsible for calming the body.

Now, of course, we don't want them yelling at us all the time, and so what we want to do is we want to teach a different, more appropriate way to stimulate that nerve, a different, more appropriate way to get their message across.

Sorry, I've got things going on in the background here, beeping.

But for example, another thing that really stimulates the vagus nerve is humming and singing.

So is that something we could do before we get to the point that we are yelling?

Number three, headbanging.

This is a huge clue to us and often a really scary one because of course we don't want them to get hurt, but that their child is looking for deep pressure input.

Headbanging is also deep pressure input to the head and to the muscles and to the joints.

On the other hand, some kids might actually do it to quiet the body when they are feeling frustrated or overstimulated.

I actually, gosh, I think I must have still been in OT school where I read a book from somebody who was autistic and they had a hard time with sounds and when they were finally as an adult able to explain it, they explained that the noise when they were walking through like a grocery store was so, so loud that sometimes it felt like it truly hurt and banging their head helped.

Of course, we do not want them to bang their heads on things, especially that are dangerous.

So we need to teach ways that they can do and get the proprioceptive input in a way that is not harmful to their body.

And number four, stubbornness.

Children with sensory issues are very, very often seen as extremely stubborn and strong-willed and controlling.

But in reality, they are desperately, desperately trying to control their environment because something is triggering for them and really getting down to that trigger.

So again, that stubbornness is a clue to us.

Something is making them feel like they need to control this.

What is it?

So where do you go from here?

What do you do?

Do you just totally ignore the behavior because it's sensory related?

No.

No, we want to teach kids how to respond in more appropriate and engaging ways.

When a child is struggling and having these big behaviors, I want you to try this simple mindset shift.

Instead of asking, why are they doing this to me?

Ask yourself, what are they trying to tell me?

And what is their body looking for right now?

Then we want to try to meet that need.

So, if they're seeking movement, find an appropriate outlet for them.

Jumping, climbing, pushing.

If they're feeling overwhelmed, help them find a quieter space or some deep calming pressure.

If they're chewing or biting, offer them something safe to chew on or bite.

This will take some trial and error.

It does take some time to find the right strategies for your child.

And it starts by understanding their sensory system and what they need.

If you have been here for a while, you absolutely know that I am a proponent of first understanding your child's sensory system before trying to apply strategies.

It is not helpful to apply strategies that we don't know if it even applies to them.

What we want to do is we want to be intentional about the strategies that we try because we want to set them up for success.

Even just noticing that this behavior is sensory related can be a game changer.

It doesn't mean that all our struggle are going to magically disappear overnight, although that would be wonderful.

But it does give you a way to respond to them in a way that actually helps instead of just having a battle day in and day out.

Something to note here is that children are most often not able to learn those new skills when they're unregulated.

So trying to pull out a random strategy when they are having a meltdown is most likely not going to work for you.

But what can be helpful is to talk about these strategies and practice them beforehand so that when the moment hits, they're more likely to be able to use them.

This is probably going to take you multiple, multiple times and iterations before you find the right thing and before they are able to apply it.

And I know it can feel like you are drowning in the techniques and the strategy and the advice.

Believe me, I am in that same boat over here with some of the things with our little guy.

And it's especially true when it seems like nothing works the same way for every kid, which is true in sensory.

It does not work the same way for every kid.

What works for one child may not even come close to working for yours.

And it really does feel exhausting trying to figure out what your personal child needs, when every single day brings something totally new.

But when it comes to sensory processing, you really don't have to do this alone.

Decoding those behaviors doesn't mean that you need to follow some cookie cutter solution, and a cookie cutter solution probably isn't going to work.

It's about learning what helps your child and your family.

And once you understand what is going on behind those behaviors, you really will be able to try different strategies and know what your child needs in the moment with intention.

It is not about having that right answer.

It's about finding out what works for your child.

So if you are feeling overwhelmed with where to start what to do, that is why I am here.

And it is exactly why I've been creating Sensory Made Simple.

It's a program that is literally going to walk you through all of this in really simple steps and in less than 75 minutes.

And I'm hoping for less than 60.

But it's going to help you understand how to figure out which strategies will work for your child.

And you won't be left guessing anymore.

So if you are ready to finally start feeling confident in how you respond to your child and make these challenges more manageable, join the Sensory Made Simple waitlist so you get the access to the early bird pricing.

Then only the waitlist is going to get this pricing.

Plus a chance to tell me exactly what you need and want in this course as I am building it right now.

So no more guessing, just simple, effective tools you can use when you need them the most.

And you're going to find that at www.drsamgoldman.com/sensorywaitlist, www.drsamgoldman.com/sensorywaitlist.

And I'll see you back here.

Thank you so much for joining me today on Sensory Made Simple.

I hope you're heading off with a little extra confidence and some easy ideas to tackle those sensory struggles ahead on.

If this episode was helpful or gave you a tip you can't wait to try, it would mean so much if you would share it with a friend or leave a quick review.

It helps more moms like you find the show and support their child too.

And remember, every small step you take makes a big difference for your child.

You've got this and I am cheering you on every step of the way.

See you next time.