THE SENSORY MADE SIMPLE PODCAST

Transcript

Welcome to Sensory Made Simple, a podcast dedicated to helping moms figure out how to understand your child's sensory needs and how to support them.

Whether it's tackling meltdowns, eating new foods, or just getting through the day without feeling completely drained.

Hi, I'm Dr.

Sam, a pediatric occupational therapist and busy boy mom.

And each week, I'll share simple, realistic tips that fit into your busy life.

Because believe me, I get it.

Adding one more thing to your plate feels overwhelming enough.

No complicated terms, just easy to follow strategies to help your child feel calm, confident, and understood.

So grab your coffee, chances are I've got mine too.

Pop in your earbuds, and let's figure this out together.

A little note before we begin.

Please be advised that this information in this podcast is not medical or occupational therapy advice, and is just for general and informational knowledge.

Okay, let's get to the show.

You get that invite to yet another birthday party, and instead of thinking, oh my god, how fun, you immediately start to feel anxious.

Mentally, you start going through the entire list in your head.

How can they get overstimulated?

Where is this happening?

Is the time of the day gonna work for them?

What potential meltdown might they have?

How are the other parents gonna look at you?

Are they gonna beg to leave the second you get there?

If you're there, if you have been there, you are so not alone.

For kids with sensory differences, birthday parties can be an absolute nightmare, as tough as that sounds and as hard as that is.

As parents, it can feel absolutely exhausting and kind of heartbreaking.

Let's talk about this.

Let's talk about why parties can be so hard for kids.

Even when they want to go, you might actually see them be excited and want to go and then get there and it's totally different.

And let's also talk about what might be going on underneath the surface and some ways you can actually make it easier.

OK, why parties are so overwhelming?

Let's be honest.

Birthday parties are chaotic.

Planning the birthday party, being at the birthday party, they are chaotic.

There's a lot of music.

There's a lot of bright colors, especially at these play places.

There's kids yelling, cake being passed around, a bounce house, maybe somebody putting on a show like a magician.

And it all seems fun when you're on the surface of it.

But for a child with sensory processing challenges, it is a recipe for sensory overload.

Let's talk first about the noise.

So we have singing, so singing happy birthday, clapping, other kids yelling, especially if you do it at some of these play places, and they have multiple parties at a time.

I personally have overstimulated.

So imagine a child who is sensory sensitive dealing with that.

Balloons popping.

All of this can literally physically feel painful to their brain and their ears.

The environment is usually brand new, unless it's somewhere you happen to have been multiple times, and that leaves a lot of unknowns.

We know that kids with sensory challenges thrive on routine.

So when we're going somewhere unknown, the nervous system is already on edge.

They're looking for potential things.

They're looking for what might happen.

They're kind of anxious, like we are too, right?

And social stuff.

There's a lot of social pressures at birthday parties to sit in a group.

So a lot of them do like circle times, saying hi, trying to behave a certain way.

That is a lot of social pressure.

All that combined, yeah, that is absolutely a recipe for a sensory meltdown, sensory overload.

No wonder they are shutting down or they're losing it halfway through the party.

Sensory overload doesn't always look like a child hiding under a table, although it might.

You might have a child who escapes from all of that sensation by going under the table because it's dark.

But sometimes it's also the exact opposite.

You might have a sensory seeker.

They might be getting super hyper, bouncing off the walls, getting too rough with the other kids.

It really all depends on how their specific nervous system is wired.

So I wanted to talk you through kind of a couple of sensory triggers and how that might appear for either a sensory avoider, a sensory seeker, a sensory disregarder.

So when we talk about this, we talk about kids who need more stimulation and kids who need less stimulation.

So to make it easy today, we're just going to say those avoiders and seekers.

If you've been listening to me for a while, you know there are also two other types of sensory processing challenges when it comes to seeking and avoiding, when it comes to needing more or less.

But just to keep it simple, we're going to say for the kids who need less stimulation and the kids who need more.

So, loud singing.

So for a kid who is sensitive to this, they are going to cover their ears.

You might see them hide.

You might see them cry.

They might be like, I'm ready to go.

I'm done.

Get me out of here.

Now, a kid who really enjoys those loud sounds, they might be joining in super loud, singing louder than everybody else, yelling or making silly noises that are not the same as what is being sung.

Another trigger, being in a new place.

So a child who is sensitive, they might cling to you.

They might refuse to go in.

They might cry.

They might not want to do anything once you get in there.

On the other hand, a kid who really loves a lot of sensation, they're gonna maybe run right in, run around exploring everything, be kind of ignorant of the rules, right?

They might just jump into doing everything without stopping, think about what the rules are without listening, kind of nonstop without being able to slow down a bit.

Another trigger is group games.

So a child who is sensitive to that, they might stay on the sidelines with you.

They might not want to go in.

They might not want to participate at all.

On the other hand, the kids who really love sensation, they might be getting too rough with their friends in the games.

They might break the rules.

They might take over the game.

Kind of be the center of it.

Another big trigger is cake time, when there is the singing and the lights, and everybody's in the same exact room, or eating the cake.

A child who is sensitive to that, they might be like, no, yuck, I'm not touching that.

Walk away from the table, not want to be even in the room when the cake is being served.

Whereas a kid who really loves sensation, they're going to most likely dig into the frosting, be covered in it head to toe, grabbing it with their fingers instead of using a fork.

And last, a big crowd.

A child who is sensitive to a lot of stimulation, they might shut down, they might withdraw, they might need to physically leave.

Whereas a child who loves sensation, they might be bouncing from person to person, knocking into people, hugging people, being all over people.

The truth is that whether a child is sensory sensitive, so they're sensitive to that sensory information, or they need more of it, they're not trying to make this a challenging experience.

They most likely want to participate, but their body is just trying to cope with all the sensations coming in.

It just doesn't always look appropriate from the outside, and that's okay.

They're not trying to be rude.

They're not trying to be wild.

They're just trying to survive this sensory storm that is coming at them.

And the way that they're behaving is their way of showing us that their body is at a sink.

But on the other hand, I know how it feels to sit there as a parent.

So let's talk about you for a moment, because while your child is struggling with all of these parties things, you are also struggling.

But mama, I also know that while this is happening, you are also struggling.

Maybe you're sitting there spiraling in your head, thinking about how every other parent here must think you are an awful parent because your child's having a hard time.

Maybe you're feeling like you're an awful parent because your child's having a hard time.

You're not.

But I know how that feels to sit there when your child is having a hard time out in public.

I know because I've felt that on the days that Mr.

C doesn't have the best day when we're out and about.

And it has happened.

And it happens with all children.

But when it's you, it is really, really challenging.

So some of the things that you might be feeling is that you're embarrassed that they're screaming during the birthday song when everybody else is screaming.

You might be wishing that other parents just understood what you're going through.

They got it.

They don't.

You might be frustrated because you knew that this was gonna happen.

You prepped, you did everything you could, and it happened anyways.

And you might feel sad because you really wanted your child to have fun.

It's a birthday party, right?

You want them to have fun.

You want them to enjoy it, but it just didn't go the way that you have hoped.

All of that is very real.

All of that makes total sense, and none of it means that you're failing.

You are doing your absolute best to support a child who's experiencing the world in a really different way.

That's not a small feat.

We really just need to figure out what makes them tick and what works for them.

Give yourself a ton of grace here.

Birthday parties are realistically one of the hardest, most sensory-intense environments for a child, and it will take some time for them to get used to it and to learn how they can advocate for their own body and what it needs in these moments.

Okay, okay, but Sam, what will help me?

I need the help.

Let's talk about some tips.

Before the party.

You know I am a big, big fan of prepping and getting ready.

I think it is one of the best ways to set a child up for success is to sit down to really think about it and to prep them as much as we can.

So number one, before the party.

We're going to talk to them about what to expect.

We're going to use pictures if we can find them online of the place.

We're going to draw it out together, help them know exactly what is coming.

That eases the anxiety and helps them calm down.

However, side note, some kids might actually get more anxious when we are talking about it.

You know your kid the best, whether they do better being prepped or whether they do better not being prepped.

In my experience, almost all kids do better when prepped.

We just need to make sure that they feel not only prepped about what's coming, because if we only prep them about what's coming and it's something anxiety provoking, they're going to feel anxious.

But also what to expect for how they can advocate for themselves and what they can do to make it easier for themselves.

Pack an emergency calming kit.

I really hope in that last bundle you grabbed my emergency calming kit.

It takes you through exactly how to create your own little toolkit on the go, what you can do to help calm your child in these really tough moments.

Even if you didn't, that's okay.

Sit down and think, what are the things I know on the go, both mentally and physical objects that help them?

So some things that are really popular are headphones, fidgets, snacks.

Sometimes you don't even realize part of the meltdown is because they're hungry or thirsty.

Sunglasses.

What helps them stay calm and grounded?

I actually, when I was working in one of the clinics, had a parent who brought Play-Doh along in her bag, and she found that this tiny little container of Play-Doh totally helped avoid meltdowns for this child, and he had epic meltdowns.

And so that was a game changer for them.

She would give it to him in line when they were waiting somewhere, and it was really, really successful for them.

So what is that thing that can be really successful for you?

Number three, get the inside scoop.

Ask the host what the plan is, knowing what is going to go on.

So knowing there's a bounce house, knowing that there's going to be a pool, that can totally help you prep.

Let your child help.

So giving them a small job when you go to the party, like handing over the gift, gives them a sense of control.

It gives them a purpose as opposed to paying attention to all of the other things that might be super overwhelming.

And plan an exit strategy.

Let your child know it is okay to leave early if they are overwhelmed, if they need to, but plan how to do that in a way that you may be find more appropriate.

Take the pressure off both of you and plan how to make this successful.

So personally, this is going to be different for everybody.

I would rather a child go to a party for a shorter amount of time, have a very successful time at the party, leave earlier when they're like, hey, mom, I'm done.

Leave earlier and feel good about it, because that is going to make the next one easier.

That's going to make it more enjoyable for both of you, and we're going to build on that.

So maybe this time they stay for 10 minutes, then maybe next time they stay for 20 minutes.

Help them feel successful is the approach that I prefer.

Okay, during the party.

Arriving early or late, think about what works better for your kids.

Some do better when you arrive on the earlier side of the party, because there's not as many people there.

On the other hand, arriving late might be better for them because you're able to skip more of that everybody coming into the room, and maybe you skip cake, maybe you skip certain things.

Take breaks.

Having a quiet moment in your car or a walk outside can help rebalance that sensory thermometer.

Remember, we're always looking at their sensory thermometer.

Are we really elevated?

Are we really hot?

Are we too cold?

What do they need to get back to that just right temperature?

Watch their cues.

Watch their triggers.

You need to know what sets your child off, and you need to know when they are.

So you need to be able to look at your child and say, Oh, I'm noticing this.

That's a hint for me.

That's a clue.

I'm sitting here snapping at you.

But that's a hint.

That's a clue that that sensory thermometer and that their body is not regulated anymore and that they need support.

So figure out what those cues and what those triggers are.

Use those tools.

Do not wait for the meltdown to pull out their strategies.

Be proactive.

We want to rebalance them.

We want to get them back in sync before the pop happens.

And the last one, stay calm and regulate your own body.

I know that is so much easier so than done, especially at a birthday party.

But your energy is their energy, and they rely on their ability to co-regulate with us.

Helping them feel safe includes you being calm.

After the party, debrief.

Whether you do it with your child, whether you just do it yourself.

Think and talk about what went well and what was hard, and what can be changed for the next time.

Don't just shut down and say, I'm never doing this again.

Take a step back.

Think about what went well, what helped them.

And then think about what could change for the next time.

Give them some time after the party.

So even if they had an amazing time at that party, it was a lot of stimulation, it was a lot of energy, it was a lot of work.

A lot of the times when we go home, we just need some time to check out, to chill, and to get back to our body feeling good.

So maybe try to plan in a low-key evening, something a little calmer to help them rebuild, recover.

And celebrate those wins.

Don't forget that.

They stayed for 10 minutes, they stayed for 20 minutes.

That is huge.

They participated in the cake.

That is huge.

They tasted the cake.

Oh my gosh.

Saying hi to a new friend.

Amazing.

Don't forget to celebrate those wins.

I know they might feel tiny.

I know they might not be as big as you were hoping, but celebrate those small, small, small steps because they add up to huge wins over time.

You need it.

Your child needs it.

Do not forget to celebrate.

Before we go, let's do a little recap, because I know by the time you get to an end of a podcast, you totally forget.

So parties can be overwhelming.

Why?

We're talking about noise.

We're talking about new environments.

We're talking about a lot of social pressure.

Sensory overload might not always look exactly like you think.

It might not just be them hiding under a table.

It might look like them covering their ears.

It might look like them trying to walk away or just not wanting to participate at all and wanting to sit on the sideline.

But there is a ton you can do to help them.

So before the party, we're going to talk about what to expect.

We're going to pack a sensory bag.

We're going to get the inside scoop, and we're going to plan an exit strategy.

During the party, we're going to think about arriving at a time that works for them, take breaks, and watch their cues and triggers.

And after the party, we're going to debrief, and we're going to give them a little bit of space if they need it and celebrate.

And with that, thank you so much for joining me today.

I would really love to know what you thought about this episode.

This was a little bit more specific than, than our usual episodes.

Usually, we do more of a general topic.

Today, we really zeroed in on parties.

So I want to know if that was helpful for you.

And if you are loving this podcast, I would be just absolutely so grateful if you would go over to Apple or Spotify and give them a review.

Actually, really cool.

Thanks to all of you.

Sensory Made Simple is now ranking three or four in the podcast app on Apple when you look for Sensory.

So that helps other parents, just like you, get tips, strategies, and some help with Sensory Processing challenges they're experiencing with their child.

So I am forever grateful to all of you who have left me a review, engaged with the podcast, and been listeners for so, so long.

So let me know what you thought of this episode in one of the reviews, and I'll see you next time.

Thank you so much for joining me today on Sensory Made Simple.

I hope you're heading off with a little extra confidence and some easy ideas to tackle those sensory struggles head on.

If this episode was helpful or gave you a tip you can't wait to try, it would mean so much if you would share it with a friend or leave a quick review.

It helps more moms like you find the show and support their child too.

And remember, every small step you take makes a big difference for your child.

You've got this, and I am cheering you on every step of the way.

See you next time.