#23 - Educating Friends and Family on Feeding Challenges & Sensory Processing

Hello! Welcome back to Episode #23 of the Food Explorers Podcast. In episode #19, we focused on how to handle unsolicited comments from family members and friends.

But, I realized there was another part missing here. Many of you have asked me for the next step in this - HOW do you educate your family and friends about WHY your child may need something different at the table. Because you’ve told me you don’t just want to set those boundaries, but you also want your family and friends to be on the same page, and understand why you are doing what you are doing. And honestly, research & professional experience with feeding challenges is one of the best ways to do this. It takes the conversation AWAY from bickering about opinions, and instead turning to what actually works, and what has been proven to work by professionals who specialize in this area.
 

So today, my goal is to do just that. To equip you with responses that educate your family and friends about why children with sensory needs, SPD, and feeding challenges may need different support at the table.

And to take it a step further - you could even give the link of this episode TO your family or friend. That way, you don’t even need to do the explaining yourself. If you are a family member or friend here with us today - HI! I’m Sam, welcome and I can’t wait to share this information with you.

I want everyone here to know this is a non-judgmental zone. Whether you are the person who was on the receiving end of a comment, or the one making it. As I mentioned in episode #19 - most of these comments are meant to be well-intentioned and to help you with the challenging situation of feeding your child. 

That said, kids with feeding difficulties, sensory needs & SPD need different strategies and techniques to help their bodies feel confident and safe at the table. Although certain strategies may have worked with other children who do not struggle to eat - like withholding dessert, bribing, pressuring, or forcing - those do not typically work for the children I support.

So I’m honored you are here today to learn something different. Something that will help you better connect with your child, grandchild, niece, nephew, or friend. 

So I thought I would do this is a myths and facts type of set up. The common myths or saying that are often associated with feeding challenges, and what the research and personal experience as a feeding professional supports instead.

SO LET’S GET TO IT

1. They’re just being stubborn or strong-willed when they refuse to eat their veggies, or dinner.
   

   
   So when a child adamantly refuses to eat a food to where they are having constant mealtime battles with family, they are often considered stubborn. But here’s why that might not be the case - especially with kids with sensory needs & spd. We have 8 different senses - that’s something we’ll talk about another day - and these senses job first and foremost are to protect us. Sometimes, our senses interpret something as “threatening” or “icky” to our body, even though it may not be. So for example, many people feel icky about the textures of mushrooms because it’s slimy. Or don’t like to have sticky residue on their hands all day. While we all have little sensory quirks, children with true sensory challenges have a lower threshold for these little triggers. This means that they interpret it as a much BIGGER threat. So for example: if you see a spider next to you, but crawling away you’re not as worried. But if your body is covered in spiders, you’re probably going to freak out. Many children with feeding challenges perceive little triggers as if there were spiders  crawling all over their body.

But wait! Before we judge that they are overreacting. This is not a conscious choice. This is absolutely something that is outside of their control and is biological. 

The researchers at the University of San Francisco even studied this. They studied the brains of children, both boys and girls, with and without sensory processing disorder. And what they founds is that the white matter - essentially the “wiring” and nerves in our brain that send messages - were different in children with sensory processing disorders on the brain scans. So they literally looked at the brain and saw that it is different. This is NOT something that is in a child’s control. They are NOT choosing to be stubborn or difficult.

These leads me to our next false belief...

2. You are the parent, you tell them what to eat. You should either:

• Force or pressure them to eat what you want them to
• Withhold dessert or bribe them until they eat what you want
• Only serve them what you want them to eat - aka if they’re hungry, they’ll eat

Let’s go back to that sensory system. Like we just talked about, children with sensory challenges, spd, and feeding difficulties may be looking at a food and interpreting it as “threatening” or “icky” to their body. Essentially they look at that piece of broccoli, something about the look, the smell, the texture, etc. sends a warning or danger message to their brain that this piece of food is not going to feel good for them to eat. Therefore they refuse it.

But then, if we try and force or pressure them to eat this food. Their brain kicks it up even more and initiates their fight or flight response. For many kids, this fight or flight response will kick in even without the pressuring. Again, this is subconscious, this is not under the child’s control, their body kicks in to protect them, because now they are put in the situation when they are supposed to eat something that their brain is telling them is essentially threatening to them.

Now you may immediately be thinking - Sam, a piece of broccoli is not threatening to them. Well, that’s not necessarily true. Only the child can know what’s going on in their own body. That piece of broccoli may make them gag, throw up, or even feel nauseous. Just because on the outside we don’t see how it can be icky for their body, doesn’t mean that it isn’t. I’ve personally gagged on foods and thrown up with certain foods, and I can tell you - it doesn’t feel good, and I didn’t want to eat it again.

So their fight or flight response kicks in to protect them, and that’s where you see those meantime battles really come out. They either yell at you, throw food, and argue or cry, run away, or shut down at the table.

In either case, the table becomes a place they dread because their body is being forced to do something that feels wrong to it, and that threatens it. Instead of improving their eating, it perpetuates the cycle and makes eating even more challenging.

Side note: the advice that you should only serve your child what you want them to eat, and if they are hungry enough they’ll eat is fundamentally wrong. I have personally worked in the hospital system as an occupational therapist with children who have struggled to eat. And a child will always protect their body first. The discomfort of a food that threatens their body will often out-way their hunger. I have seen MANY children in the hospital who did not eat when they were hungry enough. Please do not recommend this as a method to family and friends, it can be very dangerous. 

3. That it’s your fault as the parent, and someone else could get them to eat better.

This one hits where it hurts. If you guys have known me for a while, you already know how I feel about this one. But for those of you that are new. I don’t believe it is at all helpful to judge or blame parents for their child’s eating. Yes, how we support them can improve or hinder their eating. But the majority of the time, there is something going on inside a child’s body making eating challenging. Did you know there are over 400 medical diagnoses that can cause eating challenges? And to be honest, if they have sensory challenges we already KNOW there is something going on inside their body that is making eating challenging.

No one gives you a guidebook when your child is born that says - “here, do this to feed your child”. No,you’re on your own to figure it out and learn as you go. But blaming a parent does not help the child’s eating. All it does is put the parent in a place where they feel ashamed and makes it harder for them to cope.

I’ve also seen MANY times that a child with feeding challenges has stayed at a relatives house who SWORE they would be eating better by the time the parent came back - and guess what - they weren’t. Instead the eating was not improved, and the relationship between that child and relative was strained from fighting all weekend.

Instead, come from a place of compassion and support. Ask questions to professionals that can help. If you are a family member or a friend, ask the parent of the child what kind of support they would like. Chances are they are already feeling like a failure because their child struggles to eat, they need your help building them up, because this is a very lonely process. And for you to be their support person would make all the difference.

Ok, I’m getting a bit long here so we are going to wrap it up. If you are ready for a different way...if you are tired of introducing new foods and feeling like you are getting no where...if your child NEVER seems to enjoy a new food...if it’s a constant fight - then I invite you to check out the Food Explorers Membership. 

I asked one graduates of the Membership what they would say to another parent who is considering joining. She said:

“Do it, it’s worth your time and energy. Samantha’s methods make challenged eating a lot less challenging. She provides fun ways to engage your kids with new tricky foods. We were able to expand out what our kids eat during this time and feel much more relaxed around mealtime now”

Wouldn’t you love for your mealtimes to be relaxed too? Go to www.drsamgoldman.com/food-explorers-membership to join us today! I cant wait to meet you.

Resources: 

https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2016/01/401461/brains-wiring-connected-sensory-processing-disorder